Keeping up with the Jones’s

Should I have titled this, "Keeping up with the Kardashians?" That would be culturally relevant right? I have been in a funk for about 6 months to a year, and the over arching theme of my life has been comparison. I tend to harp on social media a lot but I have a love/hate relationship with it. I think it’s fun to keep in touch with people both close and far away and follow their journey. We get to watch them grow and keep up with the different facets of life. However, it’s a very unrealistic perspective into people’s lives. We see the best of their lives. We see their highlight reel. Even when people post their “real life” pictures or comments they are still a glammed up version of what “really” happened. My hate with social media is that it is so easy for us to compare where our lives don’t measure up with someone else’s highlight reel.  I have been through this comparison game myself and I have heard other people say the same thing. I know I am not alone in this feeling. So I am on a journey to STOP comparing!I get to be a member of a few different exclusive clubs. I’m a part of the: wives’ club, mom’s club, stay-at-home mom’s club, 5 kids under 5 club, and the mom’s of multiples club. Although I am PROUDLY a member of each of these clubs, the more clubs you’re in the more people there are to compare yourself to. I often look to others who are in one of, or all of my “clubs” for encouragement and support. The problem is, Satan HATES for us to have support. So, he will do whatever he can to take what is meant for encouragement and support, and twist it into comparison; which leads to discouragement and discontentment. What started, for me, as something so well meaning soon turned into a deep dark spiral of isolation.It began by me reaching out to friends asking for advice or ideas about how they spend their days with their children. Soon, their great ideas for what worked FOR THEM turned into me looking at my day-to-day and realizing I don’t do ANY OF THAT! It’s ok to take great ideas or advice and examine areas where we can improve and grow; but the problem comes when we start comparing and feeling less than. Then I started feeling shame, and beating myself up. I would sit and think, “So-and-so would NEVER let their kids eat this way. They probably fix a three course meal for lunch with a balance of fruit, veggies, protein and dairy all according to the food pyramid.” All I fixed for lunch was mac and cheese, or I didn’t even fix lunch I packed them all in the car and drove to chick fil a; so that I could know that the apocalypse didn’t happen and my kids and I are NOT the only people left on the planet.  Or I would think, “So and so would never let their kids watch this much Tv or play on an ipad for this much of the day.” Not that I ever let me kids watch tv, and we would never consider owning AN ipad. (We own 4.) I soon realized that I was spending my day thinking about what I wasn’t doing or finding the “best ways” to fill my day with my kids instead of being present and actually figuring out what works best for MY family. You see, I tried some of the ideas that my friends gave me, and they failed miserably. I was trying to be a “Jones” instead of being proud to be a Huckins. The problem with comparison is, you evaluate the two positions as equals even though they are not. In a comparison situation one way is right and one is wrong, or one way is better than another. So, comparison will either lead to condemnation or judgment depending on the outcome of the comparison. I would look at these great ideas and instead of taking them and seeing what I could pull from them for my family, I would try to do the exact same thing and when they didn’t work I felt like something was wrong with me. I also found myself being so judgmental of other people because I was trying to make myself feel better. I would feel such condemnation from not doing some things right so I would try to look to someone that I felt like wasn’t getting it right and go “well at least I got THAT right.” Comparison is so destructive from ever angle.I get told a lot that I look like another girl that I am friends with. She is pretty and talented and nothing about being compared to her is a bad thing, yet it always bothered me. She is talented in ways that I wish I was and every time people would compare us, the thought in my mind was, “Yeah I know but she’s prettier, more talented, more well known, everyone loves her blah….blah…blah……” and one day I felt the Lord tell me, “Did you know that I love you more than I love her?” OH YEAH! That was music to my ears! Then He said, “And I love her more than I love you.” HUH?! How is that even possible? I felt Him say, “Because I don’t compare you.”A friend of mine once told me, “Conviction draws you TO God, and condemnation draws you away from God.” I quickly realized I was listening to the voice of the enemy and I was allowing him to take amazing, godly women in my life and creating a jealousy in my heart toward them that isolated me from God-ordained friendships. My comparison also hurt my family. Instead of taking these great ideas and adapting them to work for my family I couldn’t get past the comparison to see the wisdom behind the task. Instead of emulating that exact situation I could still adopt the idea behind it. For example, I know several families that have a family movie night. My kids are all 5 and under so their attention span is that of a gnat and we would never make it through a movie. However, the purpose behind the idea is to have a set time carved out to spend together doing something fun. So, I can figure out something fun and age appropriate for my family and spend intentional time together too!I have to say that this is all very fresh and new so it is something I’m still walking through. I think as women we constantly struggle with comparison especially if we are surrounded by great people. I feel like the Lord showed me a helpful way to stop comparing. He showed me that I lacked vision. Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish; but happy is he who keeps the teaching.” When I know where I am going it is a lot easier for me to not look to someone else for my directions. I can look at their life and their parenting and say, “Wow they are doing such a great job and their kids are awesome, but they aren’t my kids and where we are headed we need to take these steps.” Also, we are all starting in different places and need directions from where we are.Since I had my very first child the Lord has constantly reminded me that I was hand picked for my children. They were not given to any other family because He chose ME to raise them. That means He knew how I would raise them and that’s how He wanted them raised. (with His guidance, obviously!) He chose each individual family for each child to be raised that way. Therefore, I need to ask Him, how He wants my children raised. Then, once I have my directions from Him that’s all I need. It may look different then the “Jones’s” (and I sure hope it looks different than the Kardashians) but that doesn’t mean that either family is doing it wrong or right. This can also be said if you’re single, married, a working mom, stay at home mom, college, career, whatever. I have noticed that Satan plays the comparison game between all of us on any topic. So, when I find myself looking to someone else and comparing I will STOP and ask the Lord to give me direction, for my life, in that area. That way, I will know where I’m going and I will not be sidetracked by someone else’s journey. It’s so much easier to “stay in your lane” when you know which lane you’re supposed to be in.